i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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