I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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