I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
