hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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