Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Sober January is a disaster.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Randomize
