Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
