So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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