If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
