his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
