Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
