why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
This is classic penis vs brain.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize