I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
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The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I didn't notice because vodka
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
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When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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