Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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