You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
There's even glitter on my cock...
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