i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
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