i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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