but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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