I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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