Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
