On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Boobs speak an international language.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
