Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
