i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
