Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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