So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
