im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
