I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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