a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
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