he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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