She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
