why didn't you poke me back
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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