One girl and one boy is just not enough.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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