i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
as a side note pls kill me
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
