I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
