Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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