How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
