is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
