Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
