You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
