Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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