we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I know her cup size but not her name....
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