I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
