is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
