so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
