doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
