i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
