When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize