After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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