And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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