I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
