Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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