Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
