Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
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I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
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She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize