The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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