It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
