SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
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