There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
