All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize