Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize