You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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