i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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