Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
