A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
