Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
