I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
