Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
