Nicole vs. Life
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
