why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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