im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
