Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
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He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
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You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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