why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
