i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
so much tequila, so little girl.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
