I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
