so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
