OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
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No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
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He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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